How to Become Homeless

Well, I’m not homeless quite yet. I have my apartment for two more days. But I’m sleeping on the floor and don’t have an internet connection anymore. This was okay until my computer battery died outside of a Starbucks just as the Mariners were about to pull ahead of the Orioles in the 8^th inning. But I digress.  In addition to having a laptop with a strong battery, here are a few tips:

1.  If you’re renting, check the daily rate on your apartment. My lease is up June 2^nd and I need to stay in town until June 10^th. If I stay in my (very cheap) apartment it will be almost $40 a day. Luckily I live in Las Vegas, land of inexpensive hotel rooms. Therefore, it’s more cost effective to move out of my place when my lease is up and live on the strip for a week. A few notes on that…
• There are several hotels with rates under $20 a night. Most I would not stay in, particularly Gold Spike (where you can barely see your hand if you put it in front of your face, with all the smoke haze) and Circus, Circus. I love children, but once kids enter Circus, Circus they become spawns of Satan. Bear in mind that I teach middle school in what politically correct people call an “urban area.” If I think Circus, Circus patrons are bad, they must be REALLY bad. 
• Your best bet is Hooters. I know it sounds trashy, but Hooters Hotel and Casino is actually pretty nice. It’s just a bit off the strip, behind Tropicana and MGM. The pool is MTV worthy (although shady in the afternoon) and rooms are big and clean.
• Las Vegas hotels are only cheap on weekdays. Friday and Saturday nights the prices skyrocket faster then adjustable rate mortgages. Time for homeless tip number 2
2. Have a lot of really good friends. Preferably ones with extra bedrooms and mad cooking skills. It’s also nice to have friends and family spread evenly throughout the United States (and world, if you’re really lucky) so you always have a place to stay.
3. Avoid storage units. The people who manage storage units are really, really rich. They don’t need any more of your money. Follow my four pronged approach to avoid storage units.
• Don’t have very much stuff. Especially furniture. All of my furniture was borrowed, so I simply gave it back. I know furniture is very expensive to buy and replace, but storage units are expensive also, and they have a sneaky way of staying in your monthly bills for much longer than you might have anticipated. There’s nothing worse then paying storage fees that end up being more expensive then the goods actually being stored. If you have a wandering spirit…don’t buy nice furniture. 
• Plan ahead. Start selling and maneuvering your stuff very early. I drove a car load of stuff to my parents house (parents house = very cheap storage unit) a few months ago and if I had anything to sell, I assume I would have sold that as well.
• Store things with friends and family. This goes back to homeless tip #2. I have my personal goods doled out at four different friends’ houses and one friends’ classroom. I swear guys – I’ll pick it all up this fall.
• Give stuff away. Of course Goodwill always takes clothes, but I like donating to local places. They are usually more in need. When I called up Compassion Corner to see if they wanted clothes and the few cans of food I had left, the lady on the phone told me a family of five had just been in and all they had to give her was a load of bread. They VERY GRATEFULLY accept food, clothes and household items. If any of my Las Vegas readers are interested in donating, they are at 1240 W Owens, Las Vegas, NV 890106. 702-463-8772. Hours are 9-3, but they will wait for you if you call ahead and tell them you will be dropping off stuff.
4. And finally, becoming homeless tip #4: Go to Asia for awhile. Things are cheaper there, especially if you can sing for your supper or teach for your travels.